Wise Fool wrote an interesting post with the question of what we are holding onto. http://foolishtongues.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-point-of-vectors.html#comment-form
“You choose the narrative going forward at each moment in your life: Either you are offended, an orphan, a victim of abuse, a liar, a thief, etc., or you were offended, an orphan, a victim of abuse, a liar, a thief, etc. What is history truly is history. Whether or not it lives on in our minds is our own choice. Depending on the type blemish, it can be hard to let it go and leave behind, but that’s where history is; behind us. None of us claims “I am five” when we’re actually twenty-seven years old, yet we all were five.”
I hold onto a lot of identities that I’ve outgrown. That is the purpose for this blog- to identify them and move on. My past is part of me but it isn’t all of me. Most of the stuff I get out has to do with religion, but this week I’ve been trying to be creative and finding myself blocked by myself.
When I was around 9, an artist praised my friend’s drawing and told her that she was going to be a future artist. Then she looked at mine and told me I needed to study equine anatomy before drawing horses. I had. I was very particular about proper geometry and ratios and had drawn the horses from a book with horse anatomy for artists. I still feel like someone who can only trick people into thinking she can draw. In my head, I know that this artist liked color and contrast and my detailed pencil sketches lacked both. What bothers me is how my thoughts loop to the look of disdain on the artist’s face.
My grade 7 English teacher told my parents that she was worried about how other people might read my writing. I heard ‘weird’ and that only understanding people could tolerate it.
So, I am rewriting that in my brain.
I like to draw and am good at details and geometry but need work on contrast and brightness. I am an artist.
I need to write for me. Maybe some people can also enjoy what I do and maybe not. I’m still a writer.
I think it will take some work to rewire the neural circuits that have such comfortable grooves worn in, but thats ok too. Would anyone like to share a story about moving on from a negative comment or idea?