The Talk

Lil’T asked me what sex was.

First she asked what the difference was between sexy and pretty.  From the way the neighbour girl used the word, Lil’T thought they were the same thing.

Caught off guard, I said that they both mean you feel attractive but pretty was how you want to look for your mom and sexy was how you want to look for the person you have a crush on.   She paused.  My self-talk then asked if the focus on how you look vs how you feel was detrimental, especially if you are being an object for someone else to look at, but this thought was interrupted.

LilT then asked what sex was.

The book with pictures I got when pregnant with C-minor was hiding.  My prepared talks vanished with the ingrained fears that I’d burden her with (bad?) knowledge.   I considered pulling up a youtube video of dogs mating.

“Sex is when two adults touch each other’s bodies so they feel good.  Usually it involves the genitals.  That is a word for vulva or penis.”

I waited for more questions.  I had decided I would answer her questions and let her decide when she wanted to learn.  No more questions came.  She was off building a zoo for the toy animals.

Explaining sex is a lot more complicated than I thought.  It isn’t just putting a penis in a vagina.  That’s easy.  I realized I don’t actually have a clear definition of sex.   How do you explain the difference between a mother cuddling her child or two friends giving each other shoulder rubs – which are also two people touching each other because it feels good- and sex?  If two kids are playing doctor and it feels good, is that sex?  Was saying that adults do it potentially harmful?

I’m sure the talk will be continued.

2 thoughts on “The Talk

  1. ... Zoe ~ says:

    I’m so removed from the conversation now that I wouldn’t know where to begin. Especially in this day and age. (That does it, saying that phrase means officially that I am old.) *sigh*

  2. Lorena says:

    Excellent post. Very good explanation of what’s like to be put on the sex-talk spot.

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