How to manufacture a miracle

Step 1: Pray for something you are likely to get.

Step 2: Repeat Step 1 making sure you have a large variety of requests.  (This also works for draws and other such contests.  Yay for statistical probability!)

Step 3: Ignore all the unanswered prayers and focus on the ones that will inevitably come to pass.  If something happens that is different but similar to what you prayed, it still counts.  God knew what what you really meant.

Step 4: Tell someone the good news making sure to downplay the high probability of it happening and not mention the unanswered prayers.  Use words like “miracle”, “amazing”, “blessing” and “surprise”.  Use words like “coincidence” or “chance” ironically.  Make sure all the credit goes to supernatural intervention even if it means downplaying or ignoring the contributions of people like medical staff or caring friends.


Example 1: A young mom is up half the night with her teething twins.  She prays for coffee when the alarm blares.  Her husband, aware that she missed crucial sleep, makes her coffee in the morning.  “Praise God!  He knew I needed coffee and he brought it!”.

Example 2: When I was in Taiwan, I was feeling homesick.  I asked God if I could play a game of basketball.  A group of men who played evenings asked if I wanted to play with them.  Hallelujah!

Of course, I had been aware these guys met once a week and coming from a small town had the opportunity to play a variety of sports, including basketball which was one of my favourites.  But in my mind, God had known that playing a game of basketball was exactly what this small town girl would need to feel more at home.  He blessed me, but not by having me reminded of how much I loved to play.  Nope.  He had put it on the hearts of these Taiwanese men years ago that they should play.  Then God caused them to play at the school I was volunteering at.  Not because I was volunteering at the one English speaking school in the city that happened to be perhaps the only one set up to play basketball.   No, it was a miracle.

I think I might have prayed for fresh salad greens too.  That prayer wasn’t answered.  Or mentioned.  God knew I needed basketball more.


Example 3: An elderly man is in excruciating pain and on his death bed.  At prayer meeting, someone asks that God take him home soon.  That week, he dies.  God answered prayer once again.

I’m not saying that prayers don’t do anything, but that miracles are easy to make.  (There are studies that show prayers can help, especially if the person who is being prayed for knows about it.  I’ve also heard there are also studies that show prayer having an adverse effect, but I haven’t read any of those.)

Would anyone else like to share a miracle?


2 thoughts on “How to manufacture a miracle

  1. Jon says:

    Long ago I changed from divine intervention to shit happens.

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