Thinking over the opposite and similar game I play with Lil’T, I learned something. I have let myself define feminine in opposition to masculine. Since masculine was our society prototype, feminine has been the foil for it in my mind.
Masculine = Strong
Feminine = Weak
Masculine = Leader (headship in my former church lingo)
Feminine = Follower (or submissive)
But I don’t go through life feeling weak and submissive. When I do feel that way, I don’t feel very alive. I’m usually sick or struggling with depression. Sick can’t be the ideal feminine except maybe if you are Victorian British upper- class.
When I am ovulating I have the highest concentration of so-called female hormones. (We all have all of the hormones, they are just at different levels). Lets say that the highest levels of LH, FSH, and estradiol coincide with higher femininity. (Progesterone peaks right after ovulation, not during). More estrogen = more feminine?
Then, when I am the most ‘feminine’ I feel
– strong and powerful
– playfully aggressive
– I’m alert, my senses are most acute, but I feel in control and able to focus
– I have strong passions and a strong mind
I feel most like a wolf or a panther; predatorial and protective.
I assume that most males when at peak levels of testosterone and androgens might feel similar. We know that peak testosterone does coincide with more aggressiveness and poorer judgement, but women are also more likely to want to cheat on their spouse when ovulating, so it sounds similar to me.
Maybe much of what I thought was supposed to be masculine was just ‘healthy human’ and what I thought was supposed to be feminine was ‘unhealthy human’. Screw that. We can be different without being opposite.