Why working women are bad

Some of the excuses demanding that women support their husbands but not the other way around are just ridiculous.

One that particularly infuriates me is that some men feel resentful if they have to take care of their children.  If taking care of their kids in any way detracts from their career they are entitled to complain.   Now, I thought that most dads like being involved in their kids lives, but I guess the definition of involved hasn’t evolved in all circles.

Boundless has an article promoting the idea that women should be on call for their husband and kids 24-7 because…

Once upon a time there was a family where both adults worked.  On occasion, the man had to leave work on time to pick up his kids from the babysitter and even take the occasional sick day.  He resented the fact that other men could go to late meetings, get promotions, and work overtime without the extra burden of looking after kids some of the time.

Moral of the story: Women, don’t make your husband feel this way.  Never choose a job that would require him to participate in family life when he doesn’t want to.  The fact that the man was resentful is proof that men should never have to take care of children.

The article stated these things quite clearly.

By that logic, I should never take care of my kids because sometimes I feel resentful too.  I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night to soothe away nightmares.  I get over it, not because I have two X chromosomes but because I am a responsible adult.

A man from my old church recently visited a couple doing humanitarian work in Europe.  The woman had started the foundation herself and was doing great work with the Roma children and women in the ‘teach a person to fish’ tradition.  Her husband gave up his career here to be part of what she is doing.  Of course, he wouldn’t have had to give it up if the religious organization he was working for didn’t have such weird ideas about remarriage of divorced people, but we’re not allowed to talk about that.

The message that the man from my church took from that experience was not primarily about humanitarian action.  Nor was it about rethinking the prejudice against divorced people.  No, it was about how sad it was when a man was a woman’s helpmeet instead of the other way around.  According to him, it wasn’t right or natural that a man help his wife’s dreams.

Of course, this isn’t limited to fundy religious discourse just because it happens there so frequently.  A man was recently lamenting to me that his family doctor now worked only part-time since becoming a father.  The complainer sneered at his doctor’s wife, also a doctor, whom he said worked full time in a very prestigious role at the hospital.  The complainer blamed all sorts of personal problems on the fact that his doctor’s wife worked.

Really?  This man would be an alcoholic whether this women, whom he hadn’t met, worked or not.

These people thought it was bad for men to sacrifice anything to help their wives.  That they could blame any unrelated problem on a woman.  That men should be exempt from the realities of childrearing.  Women, on the other hand, are expendable.  Their purpose is to make men’s lives easier.

After all, the real reason our society has problems has nothing to do with greed, insecurity, prejudice or corruption.  It because some women have jobs and some have dreams and some men help them.

12 thoughts on “Why working women are bad

  1. Cognitive Dissenter says:

    So the potential for resentment is a valid reason to stop a certain practice? Pfshh.

    Excellent. Life should finally get better and more fair for women, then.

  2. Lorena says:

    Oh, I agree, some non-Christians can be as misogynistic as some Christians. It’s all about what they saw at home growing up, not about religion or lack thereof.

  3. Ahab says:

    These people approve of women who sacrifice themselves for their husbands, but sneer at husbands who do so for their wives? They need to grow up and lose the misogyny.

    • I wonder to what extent, if any, the women who sneer at husbands who make sacrifices for their wives secretly wish their own husbands would make a few sacrifices for them? I’m not saying that’s the motive. I’m just saying it might be interesting to find out.

      • prairienymph says:

        Well, the Boundless article was written by a woman if I recall correctly so you hunch may be accurate.
        The other two men would just as likely bitch about any other group they felt superior to. I heard the one talk about people from other churches in pretty condescending ways. They were just passing off their problems to others.

        Your brothers sound like good fathers. The kind I assume most men would like to be.

    • prairienymph says:

      One of the frustrating things is that one of the editors at Boundless is a woman. When other women stand up to her on such issues, she uses the Bible to squash them. Very few men stand up to her because they feel they have no right to tell a woman what she should or shouldn’t do.
      I’ve talked to several evangelical guys who were confused when evangelical women told them they wanted to ‘submit’ and serve men rather than the other way around. These guys, being gentlemen, just assumed that these women’s wishes should be respected and never questioned why, chalking it all up to “god-given differences”.

  4. The issue may be natural. It is often said that males tend to be problem solvers and very goal oriented, to paint in generality. Caring for children doesn’t have a neat package to be completed. It does not have a clearly defined goal. It does not have a clear way to apply strategy and achieve success. All of this is in stark contrast to a career, which may have very well defined goals, rules, and problems to be solved.

    But, as you say, part of being a responsible adult is addressing all pertinent issues at hand, including the needs of your spouse and children, care for the home, retirement planning, etc. Relative to this conversation, i would say that it is the difference between simply being a male and truly being a man. A man should be able to be a responsible adult, achieving a type of balance between career and family. I say “type of balance” because needs will shift periodically, with sometimes the family requiring more, and other times the career requiring more. And a man should have no problem supporting his wife in her growth and achievement. Well, that’s my opinion anyway. 🙂

    • prairienymph says:

      Whether the issue is natural, not or any shade in between doesn’t really matter. I get very depressed when I spend large amounts of time at home partly for the reason that there are not any clear accomplishments. There are a few women and men who really do love to spend the majority of their time nurturing others. Many of the mothers I know go crazy at home. To some extent, we all like defined goals, rules, and problems that can be solved.

      The issue here is that some people feel that if a privileged person doesn’t want to do something, they shouldn’t have to or if they want to blame others for their own problems they can.

  5. Both my brothers habitually worked 60 or 70 hour weeks for years. And both underwent sea changes almost the moment their children were born. They cut back on their work and spent more time at home. For instance: Recently, my younger brother sold his business in some part because it was keeping him four days on the road each week when he wanted to be home with his kids. Shortly afterwards, my older brother was offered a prestigious job that would mean working longer hours again, and frequent travel. He called up my younger brother to ask his advice. “Don’t take it”, my younger brother said, “You’ll hate every minute you need to be away from your son.” Of all the things my brothers have done with their lives, their devotion to their children has impressed me the most.

  6. Grace says:

    Ugh. Boundless. I remember a few years ago they were advising single women against becoming home owners because it would scare off guys who might otherwise want to marry them. Women who can buy homes on their own are too independent and intimidating, you see – men might think that they’re not needed.

    • prairienymph says:

      I remember that one. It was the same year my friend bought herself a house. She is now married to a guy who isn’t afraid of financially capable women. Who would want to marry a guy who felt threatened by that?

      • Grace says:

        Being single is apparently so dreaded and awful that being married to any one at all, no matter how awful, is preferable.

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