Some of the excuses demanding that women support their husbands but not the other way around are just ridiculous.
One that particularly infuriates me is that some men feel resentful if they have to take care of their children. If taking care of their kids in any way detracts from their career they are entitled to complain. Now, I thought that most dads like being involved in their kids lives, but I guess the definition of involved hasn’t evolved in all circles.
Boundless has an article promoting the idea that women should be on call for their husband and kids 24-7 because…
Once upon a time there was a family where both adults worked. On occasion, the man had to leave work on time to pick up his kids from the babysitter and even take the occasional sick day. He resented the fact that other men could go to late meetings, get promotions, and work overtime without the extra burden of looking after kids some of the time.
Moral of the story: Women, don’t make your husband feel this way. Never choose a job that would require him to participate in family life when he doesn’t want to. The fact that the man was resentful is proof that men should never have to take care of children.
The article stated these things quite clearly.
By that logic, I should never take care of my kids because sometimes I feel resentful too. I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night to soothe away nightmares. I get over it, not because I have two X chromosomes but because I am a responsible adult.
A man from my old church recently visited a couple doing humanitarian work in Europe. The woman had started the foundation herself and was doing great work with the Roma children and women in the ‘teach a person to fish’ tradition. Her husband gave up his career here to be part of what she is doing. Of course, he wouldn’t have had to give it up if the religious organization he was working for didn’t have such weird ideas about remarriage of divorced people, but we’re not allowed to talk about that.
The message that the man from my church took from that experience was not primarily about humanitarian action. Nor was it about rethinking the prejudice against divorced people. No, it was about how sad it was when a man was a woman’s helpmeet instead of the other way around. According to him, it wasn’t right or natural that a man help his wife’s dreams.
Of course, this isn’t limited to fundy religious discourse just because it happens there so frequently. A man was recently lamenting to me that his family doctor now worked only part-time since becoming a father. The complainer sneered at his doctor’s wife, also a doctor, whom he said worked full time in a very prestigious role at the hospital. The complainer blamed all sorts of personal problems on the fact that his doctor’s wife worked.
Really? This man would be an alcoholic whether this women, whom he hadn’t met, worked or not.
These people thought it was bad for men to sacrifice anything to help their wives. That they could blame any unrelated problem on a woman. That men should be exempt from the realities of childrearing. Women, on the other hand, are expendable. Their purpose is to make men’s lives easier.
After all, the real reason our society has problems has nothing to do with greed, insecurity, prejudice or corruption. It because some women have jobs and some have dreams and some men help them.