Paradise lost or paradise found?

Growing up, our church environment made its attitude towards virginity very clear.

Virginity was a fragile gem that could only be lost, tarnished, or destroyed.  For females, that is.  If males had virginity, it wasn’t as important or as clearly defined.

Sex was bad.  It was a monster that wanted to devour morality and leave a person broken and dirty.

I’d imagine this makes the switch from NO to YES after marriage a little rocky for many people. 

At first, I thought that it was because I had a ring on my finger that the sexual experiences I shared with my husband were so… innocent.

It was like regaining that purity of childhood.  Suprising.  Healing.  

But it wasn’t because we have metal bands on our fingers that the potential destruction had turned into a paradise.  It is because we love and respect each other.

I heard a woman talking about a sexual encounter she had (with another woman).  Again, it wasn’t a dirty loss or shameful devaluation.  She reclaimed childhood freedom. 

Refreshing.  Strengthening.  Restoring.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.

As she finished speaking, I felt unexpectedly cleansed. 

Now, I won’t deny that sexual activity can and has been used to destroy.  But my church was wrong- sex outside marriage isn’t always hellish.  It can be innocent.  It can save.

It isn’t what you do, but how you are that makes the difference.

8 thoughts on “Paradise lost or paradise found?

  1. “I’d imagine this makes the switch from NO to YES after marriage a little rocky for many people”.
    No shit, Sherlock. If a woman is 25 or 30 when she marries and still a virgin especially because the religioso frightened her into it, you can be fairly certain the marriage bed ain’t likely going to be much more than dead cow sex. Tits up, feet in the air, eyes glazed over and NO motion what so ever.
    Chastity is its own punishment.

  2. Jen says:

    Right on. The teachings are far more harmful than the act…

  3. Macha says:

    Love this. I hate that I didn’t figure this out until after I was married – we’d been sleeping together for over 3 years, so I just felt icky and guilty all the time. Religion made me such a nutjob.

    • prairienymph says:

      I think it is truly sick that they took a beautiful and innocent thing and made it wrong. Knowing the truth helps, but it is still hard to overcome the mind-training. Did you do anything to get rid of the religious slime or was it a gradual process?

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