Immediately after I posted about Rites of Passage, I began to chastize myself.

I felt bad that I was focusing, yet again, on negative aspects.  What if the need to create community involved memorials of passage got lost in my sad examples?

Am I just another whiny bitch?  Complaining about being biologically female?

I hope not.  I do tend to be more negative here than I am in real life.  And I feel bad for it.  I wish I didn’t have to go through being angry.  If I could just be nice again. ?  

But then I look at people I admire.  When they are mad, they are mad.  They don’t attack people, but they do attack ideas and attitudes.  They don’t apologize or censor too much for having the full range of emotions and critical thought.

Ah well, in order to compensate for pointing out some of the unpleasant aspects of biological femaleness, I now propose a list:

Why Being Female/Feminine can be Fun

– multiple orgasms

– can wear spandex pants without risk of becoming less fertile

– can admit to liking cats

– can sing in musicals and dance with people of my own gender

– can borrow my husband’s clothes

– worth as a person is not dependent on expensive vehicles or guns

Please add to the list!

14 thoughts on “Reactions

  1. D'Ma says:

    I personally like wearing lipstick and having my toe nails polished. I sort of like embracing my feminine side. Oh, and changing my mind. Apparently that’s a woman’s prerogative. 😛

  2. dsholland says:

    Can’t help myself…

    There is an aspect to femininity that D’Ma alludes to that I did not understand for … well ever. It is the power and thrill of being desirable. I think of Galadriel’s speech when Frodo offers her the ring “…all men will love me and despair!”, as the wicked side of that beautiful and healthy experience.

    Ladies – we men do not generally have that same experience. Enjoy it in its measure.

    • prairienymph says:

      Umm. I do enjoy being desired, but not by just anyone.
      And I also enjoy desiring. And I hope the person who receives that desire enjoys it too.

      • D'Ma says:

        Mostly I enjoy those things because they make me feel good about myself. I wear close toed shoes most of the time, so it’s not like anybody sees my polish but me.

      • prairienymph says:

        Yes, there is something about wearing sexy underwear 🙂 no one can see it (hopefully) but it makes a difference.

    • Grace says:

      You reminded me of this postI recently read by Hugo Schwyzer, on male bodies as undesirable. It’s a perspective I hadn’t really thought about before.

      • dsholland says:

        That was a very interesting post and the comments were intriguing as well (because I’m a busybody I left one of my own 😉 )

        What seems clear to me is that we do relate to ourselves differently as men and women. PN alludes to this in the communal grooming trait.

        One thing I disagree with is the correlation between the self concept of attractiveness and homophobia. I think homophobia is it’s own evil, the corruption of something else.

      • prairienymph says:

        Growing up, us girls were shamed or not taken seriously when admiring guy’s bodies. I think its changing a little; my little brother is used to girls openly admiring him. I also appreciate his view that this isn’t one more way for women to stroke guy’s, but something they must internalize.

  3. ... Zoe ~ says:

    I’m having a difficult time coming up with something positive. 😯


    • prairienymph says:

      I’m trying to learn to enjoy lipstick and dressing up in things other than animal costumes or time-travelling pieces. My daughter loves pretty shoes and sparkly lip gloss.
      I have a (girl-crazy) brother who loves pink, accessories (like knitted ties), and stylish hair. He looks damn good and he knows it, but its not like he can share clothes with his friends or take turns doing each other’s hair.
      I guess I need to add communal grooming to the list.

    • D'Ma says:

      Bingo! But I guess to a certain degree, having thought about it further, dsholland is right about the being desirable thing. These things make us feel sexy and desirable whether there is an object of that desire or not. In other words, we know we could be desirable, even if we aren’t particularly “advertising”.

      • prairienymph says:

        What makes women feel sexy or desirable may be different than what makes men feel that way. Smoothly shaved legs, push-up bras and such – depending on the person. But to say that men aren’t desired or desirable … simply not true. There is a myth that women aren’t visually turned on. (Its a myth)
        Maybe guys don’t get catcalls or butt pinches as often, but really, who wants that?
        Both men and women can and are objects of desire, just as both men and women are the subjects desiring something.
        But, yeah I’m sure it looks and feels different. Maybe not, I don’t know, I’ll need to ask my trans friend about that.

      • D'Ma says:

        I absolutely agree with that. Women are visually turned on. I just meant that women do like to feel desirable even if there isn’t a particular object of that desire. But I’m sure men feel much the same way. I think any man or woman would be a liar if they said they didn’t like to be noticed as attractive. That doesn’t mean they intend to act on it. Just means we’re human and it’s flattering to be noticed.

  4. dsholland says:

    I think of it as the difference between the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of the kill (bad analogies but bear with me). I think men are about the kill and women are about the hunt. Men do like to know someone finds them attractive but I firmly believe the psychology is different. How hard did you have to try to get some guy to realize you were flirting (back when you were of course)? I think the idea of a woman “throwing herself” at a man comes from that dullness on the part of the men 😉

    To support my perspective I offer some unscientific observations. Many men are not terribly conscious of what they wear or how they look. It is proverbial that a guy can be ready to go out faster than most women. High fashion is about woman’s clothes. You may argue these are learned behaviors, the result of the male dominated society turning women into objects. I don’t believe that.

    There is a song lyric from Van Morrison (Wild Night)… “the girls walk by dressed up for each other…” When I asked my wife about it she looked at me with pity and asked who I thought they dressed up for 🙂

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