I did not leave Christianity because I went to an unhealthy church. I left my church because of that.
I left Christianity because of intellectual reasons.
I began to read the Bible more critically and researched some of the cultural contexts. Instead of assuming that the contradictions, misogyny, ethnocentrism, and horrible character flaws of god in the bible were only a result of my own limited mind, I allowed myself to see them. As Mark Twain said, “The best cure for Christianity is the Bible.”
I read them with great fear. I wasn’t looking to deconvert. They terrified me because they had shown it was possible to lose faith for reasons other than selfishness or immorality.
If I had not been in such an unhealthy church model, I may have left Christianity sooner since I would not have had the same level of distrust of my own reason and character.
The emotional ties to obeying and not challenging the leaders were necessary to break so that I could think this through for myself. (Note: the local church I went to had a fairly healthy community and I am still involved in it.)
I write about the emotional fallout instead of the intellectual reasons because:
1) Other people have done a better job of the latter than I would.
2) It was a much easier transition to learn to read the Bible differently than to deal with the emotional aspects of certain teachings I grew up with. This is my therapy.
Many people are quick to blame deconversion on personal offense. This is a nice little trick to disassociate themselves from the possibility of losing their faith also.
It is insulting to the person who has left. It places the blames the loss of faith on a personal failing; saying one is merely confusing the actions of christians with Christ due to immaturity in dealing with offense. This ignores the real argument against the teachings and mythologies built up around Jesus in the first place.
It is also a way of saying, “I’m not like you.” “My church is superior to your church, therefore I am in no danger of losing my faith.”