The couple that married us gave some advice.
In one illustration, a wife had issues with her husband’s favourite pair of pants. Instead of voicing her opinion, she began to sew the seams of his pants in little by little. One day he couldn’t even get them on anymore and decided by himself to get a new pair. She got what she wanted without saying a word.
I was supposed to learn that nagging was bad but being ‘creative’ was good. Because a wife expressing a concern must be nagging. And being sneaky is better than that.
Some friends of ours, a pastor couple, have demonstrated this principle for us. He wanted to go to a European country for a short missions trip and insisted his family accompany him.
They have a baby and a toddler. His wife did not want to go. They didn’t have the money and she knew what kind of work it would be to take care of the kids in that country. It wasn’t her call. He was the man and he decided not to listen to her reasons.
So they fundraised and went. And I can just imagine the ‘fun’ they had as she proved her point without saying a word.
She said that because of how difficult it was, she now has permission not to go next time.
She now has permission?
Why is that the ideal of conservative Christian marriages?
One party feeling threatened by and refusing to listen to the other’s thoughts. The other party working behind the scenes to get what they want anyways. Seems both are rather sad ways to relate.
I’m going to rewrite the advice:
Once a wife didn’t like her husband’s pants. She told him why they bothered her in private:
” They smell like old pig manure, the duct tape patches on the duct tape patches need patching, and they make your butt look fat.”
And how they bothered her:
“When you wear them in public people won’t come near us because of the smell and I feel like it isn’t respectful to me either.”
And what would help:
“I would appreciate if you wore your new pants around me and other people and wore your old ones when alone outside.”
And the results of not listening:
“I can’t sit next to you when you wear them.”
And he listened. He had no idea other people didn’t like the smell of pig manure and decided to patch them with electricians tape next. And wore his new pants in public.