I used to believe that all secularists had a depraved view of sex. I had been taught that sex was holy and to be treated with respect, if not fear.
Now I think that sex has been elevated in Christian circles too much. It should still be treated with respect and viewed as sacred, but not idolized.
I got the idea, mostly from listening to Focus on the Family, that sex outside marriage was one of the greatest sins. One program in particular highlighted two couples. One had saved themselves until after marriage, the other had not. The former declared that their honeymoon has never ended. The latter lamented that they never felt they had a honeymoon and had nearly lost the marriage. The implications were clear: want a good relationship with good sex- Abstain!
I didn’t realize how this attitude had affected me until the weddings of several friends and family members who were living together before they got married. I remember thinking, “what is the point of having a wedding, it is a farce.”
That is when it hit me, Sex is NOT the reason for a wedding. It really is about commitment and love and all that. Sex is part of it, but only a part.
This doesn’t mean that I regret waiting. I do regret the guilt I felt over kissing before marriage.
I do regret supporting by silence when some of the church ladies decided that one of my sister-i-l s shouldn’t have a wedding shower since it might look like they were fine that the couple was living together. Never mind that they had a new baby to take care of and her (non-religious) parents kicked her out when she got pregnant.
Anyways, I still view sex as special. It is an important part of our marriage, but WE are the reason for the marriage.