wedding belles

My sister-in-law’s wedding was directly opposite to mine in so many ways.  

Her dress was elaborate, glitzy, and billowing.  Mine was simple.  My mother-in-law found it for $75 and altered it to fit.  

She had an engagement party, a stagette, a few showers, a Hawaiian rehearsal party, and a gift opening.   Each event had a different theme and everyone dressed up.  I had a church shower and a bonfire the night before.  I enjoyed both very much but secretly wanted a lingerie party only never told anyone. 

Her wedding was lovely.  The message was on the power of love.  Our message was a 1950’s version of Good Housekeeping.  As a concerned uncle pointed out after the service, we can always pay someone to cook and clean for us- it isn’t really essential to a marriage that I be the one doing those things.  I didn’t realize that I could have a say in what the message would be. 

My S-i-l wanted a stained glass church who would allow her own pastor to perform the ceremony.  It took a while, but she got it.  

I wanted only two things for our wedding: to stomp the wine glass and a dance.  The first was due to the influence to some Jewish style weddings I’d been a part of.  It was also kiboshed not by the church elder performing the ceremony, but by the ‘travelling ministries’ or the head guys who run our “non-denominational” international church.  I never realized until now how autocratic that was for 20 or so men, many who didn’t know me, to decide how my wedding ceremony would run.   

A dance was out of the question.  I never brought it up. 

Her theme was hot pink old Hollywood glam.  Ostrich feathers on the tables- it looked like how I imagine a Los Vegas elite night club. 

I, having been to so many more weddings overseas than in Canada, said I wanted an international style wedding.   Meaning- simple with the focus on community and couplehood instead of the bride.  It turned into an international themed wedding.  We looked like a UN conference with the flags from Missions Fest hanging all over the walls.  Somewhat appropriate as we got married on Earth day. 

Her shoes were hot pink 4 inch stilettos.  I went barefoot. 

We learned that she is very sensitive to other people controlling her.  Suggestions made to be helpful could be interpreted as trying to take over.  

I learned that I designed my whole wedding mostly around pleasing other people.  And I discovered later that (most) of them only wanted to please me. 

She had to be in control.  I felt I had no control. 

Both of us were insecure.

4 thoughts on “wedding belles

  1. Quester says:

    It is very, very difficult to have an enjoyable wedding. There are too many conflicting goals and opinions; too much stuff going on and too many people involved.

    That said, is there anything stopping you from having a lingerie party or a dance now, if you want either?

  2. prairienymph says:

    Mostly what is stopping me is that I have successfully surrounded myself in social circles with fundamental Christians who I do not trust to understand or support such things.
    This is mostly due to the fact that I find it difficult to initiate and maintain friendships, and so end up being friends with people who do the initiating. And that my other friends are mostly out of the country.

  3. Quester says:

    Ah, that can be awkward. Are you looking for ways to meet other friends, or prefer your present social circles?

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